I shamelessly stole this from Mark Steyn's website. Entitled 'President Gollum', it's sort of a hobbit viewpoint of the election. In a manner of speaking.
Since I don't know how long it might be accessible there, the whole thing's reproduced in the extended entry.
Bush made an excellent point today when he said that Kerry could debate himself for 90 minutes. Does Kerry in fact stand in front of a mirror arguing with himself about policy or does he look into a pond (like Gollum in Return of the King) and have a frenzied argument about his positions?
Gollum Kerry: It?s ours it is. We wants it, we needs it, we must have the White House.
Smeagol Kerry: No, they know, they suspects us. That Karl Rove is always watching me with his eyeses.
Gollum Kerry: Then we stabs them out and s ends him to Iraq.
Smeagol Kerry: Yes, yes. What shall we say in the debateses precious? Am I for it or against it?
Gollum Kerry: Oh, we likes the war precious, we does. It means we can look mean and tough. We have to outwits the Bushobbits.
Smeagol Kerry: No, it?s too risky, too risky. We hates the war, please let me be against the war, I don?t like it. People gets killed and the Jihad-Orcses will be upset with us.
Gollum Kerry: We don?t care what you thinks, precious. You be for the warses but against the moneyses.
Smeagol Kerry: Yes, yes. we can say, ?we voted for the £87 billionses before we voted against it.? Then we ca n get those sneaky little Bushobbits.
Gollum Kerry: Yes precious we can. And then we can rule the world with the Heinzes.
Smeagol Kerry: Yes, "One baked bean to rule them all". Will we ever be able to just agree on an issue? I get so confused. I have to google our own name just to see what our position is .
Gollum Kerry: If we keeps changing our mind, they can?t pins us down can they my love. The precious will be ours once the Bushobbits are dead.
Smeagol Kerry: Yes, yes. Then we can take it for meeeeee!
Gollum Kerry: Quiet. For us precious.
Smeagol Kerry: Yes, I meant for us. We can take the Bushobbits up the winding staircase to HER!
Gollum Kerry: We must be nice to her love. Thereshelob always needs to feed and I needs her 500 million dollar fortune precious.
Smeagol Kerry: Yes, we can take the Bushobbits and the Republicaneleves into the Rather-tunnel where the bones of Orcses, Elveses and discredited CBS reporters hang from the roof.
Gollum Kerry: Yes, we can. Now don?t for get to change your mindses again precious before you see the media today. The Bushobbitses will never be able to work out what we are thinking. So on FrodoBush and Samwise Cheney will be no more.
Silly but quite appropriate.
David Miles
Knutsford, England